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Karl: "I had to get an injection to protect me from a dirty chimp."

Karl:(looking at the rubbish near the Pyramids) "Shitty nappy whizzing through the air, you don't see that in the brochures."

Ricky: "He's 23 but his penis is 102. What can we do about that?
Karl: Is this any use?"

Karl: "What's so good about The Amazon? Can't be that good; there are things in it that would rather live in me knob."

Karl: "I've never seen anyone bend over as much as him."

Karl:(on the odd toilet system in China) "Whenever you buy toilet roll holders, it says, "Made in China". Why aren't they using them then?"

Karl: "....in the end I ate one."

Karl:(on the Dead Sea) "Something that I read in the book: this is the lowest place...on the world. I know we don't normally have, sort of, information on this programme 'n that, like not proper stuff anyway, but that's a little bit."

Karl:(on Cairo) "That song walk like an Egyptian - no-one's walking, everyone seems to be in a car at all hours. Just beeping."

Karl:(on his thoughts on the Great Wall Of China) "The alright wall of China."

Karl: "Looks like a game of Jenga that got out of hand."

Karl: (on The Great Wall of China) "Just goes for miles and miles....but so does the M6."

Karl: "Like a little tornado innit. You don't see that in the brochure. Shitty old nappy whizzing through the air. They tend to leave that out."

Karl: "I'm not going on a camel again, I'm not going on a camel again, I'm not going on a camel again..."

Karl:(sitting on a camel) "Me bollocks are squashed."

Karl: "China's grey enough, why would you want to see it in HD?"

Karl: "Wake up, Nietzsche."

Karl: "The beauty of radio is you can listen to it in the dark."

Ricky: "You are the strangest man on the planet."
Karl: "You haven't been to China."

Karl:(on the Pyramids) "It's like a massive game of jenga, that's got out of hand."

Karl:(on India's unhealthy obsession with cows) "You can still like the cow, without going that far. Without the shit and the piss."

Karl: (from an interview about the show) "If someone took me back to Egypt and said, "The Pyramids are that way, or there's a sleepy lizard over there," I'd rather see the sleepy lizard."